Rorschach’s Journal

Why human existence suck.

There are three reasons

First. is. classism. We all can live happily in this earth. But a select few fucked up the system. And we hate it. But we don’t know it’s classism. Thus we blame others, we hate women. We hate migrants. We hate minorities. We hate other nations and we hate other ideologies.

Second. Is purpose. There is none. There is no point in living. No profit, no Necessity. Why subject ourselves to 40+ years of unnecessary responsibilities. Sleep in time. Eat healthy. Have sex. Get medication. Cross the streets responsibly. Drive responsibly. Read. Write. Speak. Watch TV. Responsibly. Then the long term responsibilities. Don’t waste your life. Find true love. Make a career. Travel. Be young. All these are. Unnecessary. There’s no point no reason no benefit to doing any of these. One might say we have primal purpose, eat fuck sleep. Ensuring that consciousness survives. Through individuals and the collective. But that’s not life, that’s a chemical reaction based on amino acids and neurons. Reproduction and metabolism. We are all chemical reactions boiling down to an end. A conscious change in entropy. When entropy ends. Life ends.

The other day someone asked me, why don’t I consider human beings to be the most successful creatures on earth. Well, how can I? We aren’t the biggest, the whales are. Not the scariest, that’s either the T-rex or a Tarantula, depends on who you ask. We aren’t the strongest or the fastest. We don’t have good immune systems and our spine is an evolutionary design disaster. Are we the smartest? Well that depends on how you define smartness. We speak? So does other creatures. We speak too much if you ask me, such as myself, ranting on the internet. We have art? Have you seen what birds can do? We sing? Humpbacks. We can kill anything. Under the right circumstances yes, also a hyena can do that too. We absorb resources? So does a virus, although we kill our host faster. We evolve? Again, viruses will out-evolve you any day of the week. Population? Trust me, bugs and arachnids outnumber us by a significant margin. We create societies, did we though? Ants have better. Then why are we better?

There could be one answer, we are curious. Curious outside our primal urges. Outside food, sleep and sex. Our curiosity creates ingenuity. We can claim to be better, only because we are curious. Well, a very select minority are.

Even on a galactic scale. Our existence is so beyond miniscule. And on a quantum scale. We are bumbling and inadequate. That’s the second reason we are all angry. It’s because we know humanity is worthless. Pointless. Every morning we waste extra energy trying to motivate ourselves to get up. Motivation to overcome this existential horror show. And get our mortal engines going. Be responsible. Accomplish shit. Have legacies. Bla bla bla.

Thus the moment we get depressed or any other way we lose our motivation. We return to our natural state of doing nothing. We eat and sleep. That’s all we do. Because that’s the bare minimum. To keep breathing. To keep living. We all hate it. Our consciousness. We all wish we never got it.

Our consciousness hates it. It’s in constant pain. First. The moment it becomes aware of its existence. Consciousness realises it’s “smallness”. Unacceptably small. We look at ourselves and how truly alone we are in this universe. And we reach the ends of madness. I think that’s where classism and patriarchy originated. When we, in order to silence the mad voices in our head, proceeded to do anything to feel better about ourselves. We discovered we feel better about ourselves in comparison to other living beings. We started with hunting and killing animals outside of our consumption need. (Maslow’s self actualisation bullshit via tiger hunting. These motherfuckers extinct an entire rhino species, here on earth for 50 million years, to make dickpills. Fuck the free market) We figured out how to kill every species to prove we are better. And then we focused on our own. Created hierarchy after hierarchy. Masters and slaves, oppressors and oppressed, rapists and victims.

Creating hierarchy is a symptom, that we. The conscious. Are going mad. See! Back to point one. Told ya it’s all connected. I didnt? Huh. Odd. We’re going mad. Consciousness, faced with its smallness, wants to rip itself apart.

And then the third point. The last thing that pisses us off is death.

It’s a one time deal. That’s what makes death such an intriguing little shit. Entire humanity. All of our existence. All of us. Everything is shaped by the fact that death. Exists. Trust me life would be a lot different if we were immortal. We wouldn’t jump at arrange marriages, we’d wait to find love. We wouldn’t let some corporation ruin the planet, motherfucker I’ll have to live my immortality here. We would stop trying to consume ourselves to death. Because we’ll not have a death induced FOMO.

But since we have to die, we want to die, asap. The problem is, since it’s a one time thing we don’t know how to die. We don’t know what to die for. We don’t know what to do before death. And worst of all, what’s there after death. What if there is nothing? No god. No heaven no hell. Relatable ain’t it? You think you’re the first deep bro to think about that shit? No dumbass, humanity has been I’m this state for 75 thousand years, and humanity have constantly dreaded death. That’s why it’s common that every religion has an afterlife story. A promise that suck my god’s dick and I promise your worthless meaningless existence will get you to a happy place.

We suffer because we can’t even begin to fathom the emptiness of death.

I want to die. But I hope there is nothing, no afterlife, after I die. I want to erase my memory from everyone’s head. And truly, die.

I’ll stop talking.

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