‘cool girl’ wife VS ‘woke bengali husband’

Let’s start with a soliloquy from the book, Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2 because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time, Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much!
And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain.
(How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)

Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Awful pretender women, that’s quite the term. Speaking of Awful and pretender- let’s look at the opposite end of this gender spectrum.

Quoting Jessica Valenti from Medium. Article titled The “Woke” Men Who Still Want Housewives

Men who claim to believe in equality often aren’t willing to live it

Twenty-five percent of the people surveyed said that while women and men should be equal in the public sphere, they believed women should do the majority of domestic work and childcare. This lines up with the progress gap American women face in the domestic sphere; we’ve made inroads in almost every area but our own homes.
Indeed, while only a very small percentage of Americans think women should not be equal, according to Pew, plenty still ascribes to retrograde ideas about biological differences between the sexes. While women tend to think that differences between men and women are based on societal expectations, men are more likely to believe in a “natural” difference.
But for women to make real progress in and out of their homes, men must give something up the backward dream of holding onto their feminist bona fides while seeking out female partners willing to limit their own aspirations to the home.

Jessica Valenti, The “Woke” Men Who Still Want Housewives

So, now- I’ll be talking to you the center, center-right, and the center-left of the Bangladeshi youth population. I’m not addressing the right-wing because they believe in imaginary ideas about sky given genders and natural gender roles. I don’t think anyone has the energy to listen and entertain such mythology.

Either way, reading up above- assuming you read it- did you find any similarities between you and/or spouse/friend/parents/anyone? Did you find the Cool girl and the Woke men? If you have then my work here is done. If not then I’ll try to add relatable examples so you may find them.

Alright then, relatable examples it is. Rephrasing parts of the quotation from Gone Girl-

“…It may be a slightly different version –
maybe he’s a moderate Muslim, so Cool Girl prays five times a day but she would not mind if he got drunk with his colleagues due to “social drinking”.

Maybe he is a rich brat who craves attention all the time, so Cool Girl is a “business woman” who is ruthless for money and will hide his sexual assault cases.

Or maybe he’s a TSC-beard stinking-intellectual, so Cool Girl is a tight Saree-churi-tip wearing, sleeveless blouse wearing, long-haired bengali girl who can recite bonolota sen or sing Tagore as well as use slangs like madarchod when needed and gets swooned into sucking dick when he recites some dirt cheap Robert Frost quote he learned from a Himu book.

Maybe he’s a suit-wearing corporate fuckbro who needs a jeans-wearing model who wouldn’t mind doing nude “boudoir” photoshoots or going to sex trips with him and will also be cool when he dumps her and moves on to marry the hijabi I spoke of above.

Maybe he’s the “hard-working loyal guy” and you are the graceful social media happy wife. The woman that brags about the chocolate her husband brought her when she was on her period and yet she keeps sacrificing her career, relationship, self-respect, identity, and life so that he can come home every night and unleash upon you his anger and frustration from the entire day or the occasional pity fuck when he thinks about his favorite pornstar during the act.

Maybe he’s a Gen Z varsity student and you are the English literature major with a preference for indie music, jawlines, tattoos, weed, and a mental health condition fucked up by either your parents, drugs, trash ex, or childhood sexual abuse. (come to think of it, that’s the favorite cool girl of all Bengali woke predators, the intellectual damsel in distress)

There are variations to the sugar and spices, but believe me, he wants a Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he wants her to like and doesn’t ever complain…”

Photo by Hamid Tajik on Pexels.com

So, did you find yourself? Do you want to be any of these Cool girls?

I’m not saying don’t wear a saree, don’t pray, don’t drink, or don’t go on sex trips. You are a living being, you have the right to act according to your will until and unless it harms another living being.
I’m saying don’t do it for anyone else. Do it, for yourself. Because at the end of the day, as we have seen on “Gone Girl”- You can’t keep up this pretentious facade and men will move on to the next cool girl (and vice versa). So yeah, do shit for yourself. Not for someone else.
Alright, that’s it for the women or anyone who doesn’t identify as cis straight men. I’ll now move on to-

My bros. the men, the dudes.
Sit down. we gotta talk.

Let’s look at a line from Trevor Noah from his book Born a Crime.

The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He’s attracted to independent women. “He’s like an exotic bird collector,” she said. “He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.

Trevor Noah, Born a Crime

Is that what you are bro? The exotic bird collector? The kind that wants an Instagram model to fuck him (and send nudes so he can leak them on reddit) but then slut-shames other Instagram models and lectures women about the value of tradition and culture? Is that what you are bro? You who pretend to be a woke wanderlust boi, because you think these traveling women would sleep with you on one of these wanderlust trips? Is that what you are bro? The dude who hangs around “media” girls- encourage drinking and smoking to women, so you can DM her and say “I want a free-minded bold woman who wants to enjoy”. Is that what you are bro? The wokeboi who believes in sexual liberation and yet wants a virgin wife. Is that what you are bro?

Is that all you can think about? Sex? C’mon man, you’re proving Sigmund Freud right. That’s embarrassing.

Alright, maybe you aren’t that bad. May you be you’re the center-left and left-wing woke. The Feminist that wants a housewife.

Did you find yourself in the woke men narrative? The woke men that feel good about ourselves because we are allies and feminists and yet- we want housewives because “that’s a woman’s biological role”? (It’s not bro, sit the fuck down). Those of us who are ashamed to do housework because that’s a woman’s job and the one time we cook we expect applause. Those of us that want the cool girl. The cool girl with that’ll send you nudes. The strong girl, because we got tired of picking them up and dropping them off. The independent girl, because we didn’t wanna pay for food anymore.

Alright, imma calm down. I’ll try to empathize.

I’ve seen the flip side as well. I’ve seen a female partner constantly use her victimhood from previous traumas to attack and manipulate her current male partner. And after their separation, use that same victimhood to manipulate everyone else to isolate and attack her, now, former partner. Honestly that is sort of the premise of “Gone Girl”. So yeah, this sort of behaviour is extremely problematic.

Here’s a video that explains the evil of Amy, the protagonist (or antagonist) of Gone Girl

This eternal state of victimhood can also be a form of gaslighting. In such a case the “victim” will pretty much gaslight/play victim to everyone to get her/his/their way. This sort of behavior usually has a deep root in trauma or the “dark triad”. Take such a case to a mental health institution asap and get them the help they need.

If you are someone who thinks he/she/matches the above statement, please. Get help. You are hurting the people that love you.
alright then, Moving on.

I also understand the injustice Patriarchy imposes on my gender (men) as well.

We are the gender that from birth were bred and raised to be soldiers. The men who fight the horde to death. We were told stories of a Prince who had to be educated, charming, with great hair, and physique, be wise, be a great warrior, have three years of experience in digital sales, etc. And we were told that this prince was born for one purpose. A princess is stuck in a castle, guarded by a dragon. and We the prince had to fucking fight a dragon.

Fuck no. ain’t nobody gon go fight no dragon.

That’s some patriarchal hypermasculine bullshit. That’s the kinda hypermasculine bullshit that leads to us thinking that a show of force such as aggravated assault is somehow a show of love. It is not. That’s the kind of mentality that teaches boys not to cry and think when teenage boys are raped by female pedophiles- that it’s some sort of achievement for the boy. It’s not, you got no idea how much damage that can cause.

We are not 007 ladykillers. We are not Spartans bred for death. We are not dragonslayers. We are flesh, bones.

The point is, we are not gonna live up to any more expectations. and WE WILL NOT DEMAND ANYONE TO LIVE UPTO OUR EXPECTATIONS EITHER. Relationships are clusterfucks of dumpster fires but it is a process and a partnership. So acknowledge your partner’s struggles and the social prejudice they face. Try to alleviate their struggle and educate each other. If you can’t And if shit doesn’t work out, let each other go. Because we are all living beings and we get to choose. Don’t stalk and terrorize each other. Don’t give into hyper masculine traits.

Most of all, for the love of whatever god you do/don’t follow- be your real selves and stop pretending to be Woke men, and Cool Girls, esp for the sake of some made up fairy tale lovestory bullshit.


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