Dearly beloved, part 9: You, who have loved me

“Dearly beloved” is a series of love letters sent and received over a period of one hundred years.

28/07/2020

I apologize for my recent behaviour. Well, I apologize for all of my behaviour. Wait, is that grammatically correct? Was that?

I apologize. My apologies to you, you who occupy all my late night monologues. Well in my head they aren’t monologues, since I’m taking to you. But to the audience, they are.

I apologize, Me, with all my inadequacy and incompleteness. With all my reasons and excuses for my inadequacies and incompletenesses. With all my delusions and lies within my reasons and excuses for my inadequacies and incompletenesses. With all my failures and shortcomings surrounding my delusions and lies within my reasons and excuses for my inadequacies and incompletenesses.

I am an abnormality, a disaster, an outlier, something on the scoville scale. I float about with all my possibilities and then when tied down, I make your mouth taste bitter and your oesophagus feel like it’s getting blow-dried. Like a heartburn, after regurgitation.

I apologise for never seeing you. For not knowing your sadness. For not being there. For not being strong enough to change my self.
This is a small letter. So, yeah.

I hope you miss me.
Sincerely.

I.


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